Wizards and Cars Just Don't Mix
by Sabor Tooth Tiger
Summary: ("This story was made in 2011 by me and my friend in our Senior year of high school.") Crackfic! What if the Order of the Phoenix decided to take a drive around town?


I don't own Harry Potter.

A/N: My friend and I came up with this and it was so funny in our opinion.

******Wizards and Cars just don't mix.**

******Summery: **Crackfic! What if the Order of the Phoenix decided to take a drive around town?

"Hey Harry, would your uncle mind if we take the car?" Asked Remus as he took Vernon's car keys off the counter where they originally sat.

Vernon, Petunia, and Dudley had gone somewhere in the old car and weren't expected back for a long while.

Harry shook his head "Not as long as you bring it back in time." And that was all he needed to say before the Order (who had been there the entire time) ran out and piled into the car.

Severus was behind the wheel, Sirius in passenger, Ron behind Sirius, Hermione beside Ron, and Remus behind Ron with Dumbledore beside him. Arthur and Molly were just in some random spots. Arthur was pushing buttons. Severus, unknowingly by the others, knew how to drive, put the keys in and started the engine. As he carefully pulled out of the driveway, they all had absolutely no idea where they were going to drive to.

"Maybe the other side of town…no…" Sirius muttered while holding the map upside-down. Ron and he were trying to use the map to find their way to the place that wasn't there.

"Ron, the map's upside-down." Hermione stated.

"How about this way?" Asked Ron.

Snape growled as they reached a dirt road. "Which way, Black!" He snapped as they miraculously went back on the road.

"No, Ron. That way leads to the creak. Hm. Funny, I never noticed that creak before." Said Sirius.

"Uhh…Ron?"

"No. Ever since they remodeled the town, things have been different."

"They can't have remodeled the entire town Ron! It's unethical. What say you snivellus?"

Snape once again growled. As Aruther pushed a button for the windshield wipers.

"Where's the invisibility button on this fascinating muggle car?" He asked excitedly. "Oh! What's this do? Maybe it's the fly button." He pushed it and the radio blared as the windshield wipers went faster.

"Arthur, cease and desist your antics!" Snape yelled as Black and Ron argued while Hermione tried to tell them about the map and Arthur pushing the car's buttons.

Remus watched the back window while Dumbledore knitted happily.

"What about this one?" Arthur said and pushed the button which let off the anti-freeze onto the windshield.

"GAH! I CAN'T SEE!" Severus yelled and the car started swerving.

"Uhh. Guys, there's a red and blue light following us." Remus squeaked.

"That's not how things work! They can't magically move the creak! They're muggles! Not wizards!"

"Guys! You are holding the map upside-down for goodness sake!"

"So! What if it was a witch or wizard who did it!"

"Guys! The Light's are coming closer."

"Cut it out Arthur! I can't see!"

"Snivellus will you shut off that bloody music?"

"Tell Arthur that!"

"Oh! Another one!" Push!

"Gah!" Yelled Severus as his seat began getting higher and higher until he was scrunched against the roof of the car but still had his hands on the steering wheel but his feet no longer touched the pedals.

"Snape! What the heck do you think you're doing?" Sirius yelled as he put down the upside-down map. Snape huffed.

"Black! Take the pedals! I can't reach!" He yelled.

Sirius, knowing that he can't slide to where the seat that was resided with Snape was high into the air; he angled and stretched himself to the pedals.

"Which one? This?" He asked and pressed the break which made Snape go flying forward into the window.

"Nope." Sirius said, popping the 'p'.

"The one on the right!" Severus screamed now that he was squished.

Sirius stepped on that but the car went zooming and raced down the road, Severus, just barely being able to steer the car.

"Severus!" Remus yelled.

"What?" Snape yelled back.

"We're being chased by the cops!"

OOO

(Meanwhile)

The Phone rang and Harry answered.

"Hello?" He said and munched on a slice of bread.

"Boy!" Vernon yelled. "Will that car be exactly where we left it?"

"Yes." Harry Responded, nodding.

When he hung up, Harry smirked. "I never said it would be in good condition though."

OOO

(Back with all the insane wizards and witch)

"That's just bloody great!" Snape snarled and let out a string of curse words which made Molly glare at him.

"One…Last…Button…" Arthur could not resist and reached for the button.

"Arthur! No!" Snape yelled, recognizing the button. Push!

The top went flying off the car but that detained the cops for a while but Snape went flying out of the car but he hung onto the window as he let out more strings of curse words.

"My Ears!" Hermione yelled. Dumbledore was still knitting.

"Accio Snape!" Remus yelled and held out his hand to Severus but since they all resided in a car, Snape's pants went flying off and it showed his black boxers with green cauldrons on it. Needless to say the boxers looked a bit tight on him.

"My eyes!" Remus yelled as the pair of pants now was over his eyes and Remus waved his hands around stupidly. Hermione stared at Snape's boxers while Sirius and Ron were laughing at him while Sirius still had his foot on the gas pedal.

"Where can I get a pair of those?" Sirius laughed.

"Stop the car!" Snape yelled as they went over 100 mph.

"Which one?" Sirius asked, still laughing.

"The first one!" Severus yelled back while trying to hold on to the window.

Sirius stepped on the brake and Snape went flying forward and landed on the road in front of the car.

Sirius and Ron were still laughing while everyone else looked mortified except Hermione. The sound of the cop's siren alerted them.

"Uh-oh! Time to move!" Sirius yelled and pushed the gas and hit Severus just as he was getting up only for Severus to land on the hood of the car and him screaming as he pushed back against the windshield while screaming.

"Turn! Turn!" Ron Yelled!

"I can't see! Snape's in the way!" Sirius complained and used the windshield wipers to push Snape off the car where he went tumbling off the road, onto the grass. But now, with no driver, the car crashed into the tree but no one was hurt.

Dumbledore ceased his knitting and (surprisingly) dressed up as a bicker and jumped on a motorcycle.

"See ya' later suckers!" He yelled and motored away. The other order scrambled and used magic to put the car back into Vernon's driveway and all disappeared. Even Snape; who found his pants.

OOO

Vernon was furious when he got back to find his car in pieces but Harry was already gone to Hogwarts when he got there.


End file.
